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Yo there are 2 announcements:

Server Code of Conduct is now finalized! I threw out everything from before and almost all of it is now ripped from other Mastodon instances. beingpresent.me/about/more

Having these rules means....we are now on the approval list for a relay! What does this mean? If we get approved, users from many other Mastodon instances will show up in the Federated tab!

More words in following toots.

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More exciting news!!!

BeingPresent.Me now has a blog!

iam.beingpresent.me/thoughts/2

Right now, this will function as news related to this site as well as my own personal mental health blog but that's apt to change if it actually helps to have news about the site there.

Thanks yall for joining! It's not much to look at now but the more wonderful people that join, like yourselves, the more....well, wonderful it will become!

See ya tootin'!

Can anyone else relate to when people genuinely ask "how are you?" wanting to answer like "actually REALLY good lately but also I kinda wanna die"?

self harm 

Computer won't boot, more med bills, a jury summons, and still can't get an appointment for a vaccine.

Oscillating between rage and sadness right now.

"It is the part of courage, when misfortune comes, to bear without repining the ruin of our hopes, to turn away our thoughts from vain regrets. This degree of submission to power is not only just and right: it is the very gate of wisdom."

~Bertrand Russell

Self care is not a waste of time. Self care makes your use of time more sustainable. ~ Jackie Viramontez

I'm having such a hard time regulating my emotions right now. Mostly anxiety and anger. It sucks.

"You cannot see what I see because you see what you see. You cannot know what I know because you know what you know. What I see and what I know cannot be added to what you see and what you know because they are not the same kind. Neither can it replace what you see and what you know, because that would be to replace you yourself."

~Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless

Lesson learned by self introspection:

If I'm funny enough, people will listen to me. Then maybe people will listen to my story too. I'm not an attention whore. I've never been. I just want someone to listen.

I first saw this video while in-patient at a crisis center. It really hit home for me.

"Depression, the secret we share | Andrew Solomon"
youtube.com/watch?v=-eBUcBfkVC

Options for being on social media too much:.

a) Constantly refresh to see likes and favorites for Feel Good Chemicals
b) Quit it completely, cutting off what is essentially the only line to the outside world and prepare for epic loneliness & self loathing
c) Set timers for a maximum amount of time per day then immeditatpey dismiss them

Spiral down spiral down spiral down

[today]: Feels kinda like I'm slipping into depression but everyone has bad days so it's probably nothing.

[tomorrow]: Okay two bad days still isn't a big deal, no need to get worked up.

[a week later]: It's not unheard of to have a bad week. Don't wanna be overly dramatic about nothing. It'll pass any day now, just gotta wait it out.

[3 months later, in the psych ward]: Ah, fuck.

The road to recovery is not always straight and neither am I

I wrote a post on "What is Somatic Experiencing?"

SE really without exaggeration saved my life. It helped me actually treat a ton of physical and psychological symptoms, but more importantly to me, it taught me a lot about how to understand my body.

iam.beingpresent.me/thoughts/2

Hey.

When's the last time you complimented yourself? How about you take a second and think of a compliment?

Cause my guess is, you've done something awesome lately, and maybe you don't even know it. You deserve more praise than you give yourself credit for.

Therapist: Try not to overthink it.

Me: But how will I know the right amount to think?

Therapist: Hold on

Me: What if I underthink? What quantifiable measurement of thinking is there? Is my thinking the same as your thinking to even compare??? What even is the universe????????

It's okay to say to someone "okay, I'm going to bed, bye" and then remain online. It doesn't have to mean "I am going to sleep right this moment", it can mean "I enjoyed this conversation but I am done, and I want to do something else before I go to sleep". Don't feel guilty.

Wild to think that I went from naming my therapist's address "T" in my in-dash GPS so my friends wouldn't know when I gave them a lift, to "hey nice to meet you, I go to therapy" over the span of a decade.

Self-care is not selfish. You cannot serve from an empty vessel. - Eleanor Brownn

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BeingPresent.Me

This is a social network (a Mastodon instance) centered around mental health.